The Secret Within:
I knew it would come to this
The second I lay eyes on you
A million fears and delights
fluttering
With hummingbird wings
The pounding in my ears
And the word screaming
Through my brain
"NOOOOO"
Trying desperately to steer clear
Of the impending wreckage
Knowing it had already lost the battle
To the mighty gut
Speaking louder
Clearer
And with a more assured voice
Than I had ever heard
The gut told me
Of what was to come
She knew there would be no stopping it
No slowing it
No pause
She foretold of feelings yet to be felt
And as my ears received
The sweet tones of your
Kind
Welcoming voice
The gut predicted a desire
I had long given up on
Resurfacing
With a ferocity I had never known
I bit my toungue
As the feelings
And desires
Overtook me
Dragged me
into a rip current of emotion
I fought it for what felt like an eternity
Refusing to utter it's name
Even to my self
Even in my dreams
Drowning in its depths
But it battered against my ribcage
Growing stronger each day
I quelled it's anguish
Admitting its existence
To only the most removed of parties
To those who could never divulge
The secret of its existence within me
To you, its owner
It bubbled and brewed within me
I comforted it like a child
"In time my sweet, be patient"
Though I fought and fought
To keep it inside me
It was always there
The third being in the room
It danced between our laughter
And fed upon each
sweet word
Each held hand
Each tender kiss
It grew stronger and more impatient as the days went by
Until one day I thought
I could contain this creature no more
And just as I was about to show you
My most impatient pet
You turned and walked away
Never looking back
And I was left
With the agonising creature
Starved of its nourishment
Dying inside of me
Howling in the hollows
of my chest
The sorrow of this creature
once knew no bounds
But it has weakened
With fatigue
The howls are fewer
and further between
But the creature's core
remains unchanged
This creature called love
Rattles through my ribcage
Trying to escape
To find you, it's intended
It fights for its life
As I fought
to stifle it within me
It festers,
Riddled with the disease of uncertainty
Gaping wounds and scars cover its surface
From each attempt at escape
Tarring the surface
Of a once majestic being
That gave reason
to go about the day
And what of the gut?
Why she's gone mad,
of course
She's been locked away
In the depths of my soul,
From which she came,
To endlessly torment
And lament
On how she possibly,
Conceivably,
Could have been
Just so very, horribly wrong
